Going through a Divorce

Going through divorce In these difficult and challenging times, couples sometimes find that they have drifted apart and abuses may arise due to many evil factors. Domestic violence and abuses, mentally, physically or psychologically, by a spouse is unacceptable in Islam, and the most important task is to protect oneself first and foremost, and children from this great evil and oppression (zulum).

For Allah hath full knowledge, thus He decreed upon us the following action plan to relief us from miserable situations which can be found in the Noble Quran. This action plan is designed to maximize the opportunity for a successful marriage.

Stage 1: Mediation Sura 4 - An-Nisa [Women] Verse 35-35:
35. وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهَا إِنْ يُرِيدَا إِصْلاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا

Sura 4 - An-Nisa [Women] Verse 35-35:
35. If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: For Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.

If your attempts to communicate and empathize with each other have somehow failed to garner any results, it's time to call in mediators to advice and counsel both your problems. Elect a wise person, your Wali (Guardian) or representative, to offer advice, provide reminders, establish the understanding of the moral, legal and social consequences and hold each spouse accountable for their actions. The mediators should also work to remove any enmity, seek medical help for anger management problems and provide opportunity for reconciliation.

If all else fail, then you're advised to go to your local qualified imam or shari’ah courts to resolve your marriage. However, from the Quran we know that Allah does not favor divorces, and in fact encourages the continuation of a marriage. A couple should go through a period of separation as divorce is the last resort. The Prophet (SAAWS) said: The lawful thing which Allah hates most is divorce.

Stage 2: Separation Sura 2 - Al-Baqara [The Cow] Verse 226-227:
226. لِلَّذِينَ يُؤْلُونَ مِنْ نِسَائِهِمْ تَرَبُّصُ أَرْبَعَةِ أَشْهُرٍ فَإِنْ فَاءُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ 227. وَإِنْ عَزَمُوا الطَّلاقَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ

Sura 2 - Al-Baqara [The Cow] Verse 226-227:
226. For those who take an oath for abstention from their wives, a waiting for four months is ordained; if then they return, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
227. But if their intention is firm for divorce, Allah heareth and knoweth all things.

A separation period of four months is enforced to allow the estranged couple to reconsider life without each other, if a dissolved marriage is really what is best for them and their children. Sometimes, being away from each other will awaken the wrongful spouse to repent and bring them back to the right path. When one is remorseful, the other spouse should forgive and return to the family unit they had together, for Allah is all-forgiving.

If, however, the estranged couple chooses separation they must go through with it equitably. There must be two equitable witnesses to witness the divorce before Allah.

Sura 65 - At-Talaq [Divorce] Verse 2-2:
2. فَإِذَا بَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمْسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ فَارِقُوهُنَّ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَأَشْهِدُوا ذَوَيْ عَدْلٍ مِنْكُمْ وَأَقِيمُوا الشَّهَادَةَ لِلَّهِ ذَلِكُمْ يُوعَظُ بِهِ مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا

Sura 65 - At-Talaq [Divorce] Verse 2-2:
2. Thus when they fulfill their term appointed, either take them back on equitable terms or part with them on equitable terms; and take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice, and establish the evidence (as) before Allah. Such is the admonition given to him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out,

Stage 3: Divorce Sura 65 - At-Talaq [Divorce] Verse 4-5: 4. وَاللائِي يَئِسْنَ مِنَ الْمَحِيضِ مِنْ نِسَائِكُمْ إِنِ ارْتَبْتُمْ فَعِدَّتُهُنَّ ثَلاثَةُ أَشْهُرٍ وَاللائِي لَمْ يَحِضْنَ وَأُولاتُ الأحْمَالِ أَجَلُهُنَّ أَنْ يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِ يُسْرًا 5. ذَلِكَ أَمْرُ اللَّهِ أَنْزَلَهُ إِلَيْكُمْ وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يُكَفِّرْ عَنْهُ سَيِّئَاتِهِ وَيُعْظِمْ لَهُ أَجْرًا

Sura 65 - At-Talaq [Divorce] Verse 4-5:
4. Such of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if ye have any doubts, is three months, and for those who have no courses (it is the same): for those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens: and for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy.
5. That is the Command of Allah, which He has sent down to you: and if any one fears Allah, He will remove his ills, from him, and will enlarge his reward.

After divorce by shari’ah courts, the father of their children shall bear the cost of their food and clothing apart from providing alimony to the wife separated from him (Al-Bakara 233). Thereafter, the divorced woman has the right to make decisions on her future marriage, besides gaining custody of her children, especially but not exclusively because she breastfeeds her child / children. As such, the divorced woman will be able to live reasonably well with her children.

The Quran sternly prohibits man to mistreat his wife in hopes of taking her money. Allah says “Do not treat them with harshness so you can take away part of what you have given them”. However, in reality, man's evil mind can sometimes overcome his actions, especially if his faith is weak. Thus, Allah has given these steps to lead wives and spouses out of miserable lives because Allah is all-loving, and He wants love for all His subjects and followers.


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